Circles of Care

Do you know Sarah?

Sarah* just celebrated her 80th birthday with friends from her Circle of Care. If they had not come, bringing cake and ice cream, no one else would have recognized the milestone event. She tells them how her husband never remembered her birthday, how he is now in a nursing home on the other side of town and how her children rarely visit. To make matters worse, she suspects her daughter has been dipping into her bank account.

“Years ago, she says, “I would never have admitted that I was abused. After all, no one ever hit me.” 

However, she quietly goes on to describe how her husband tightly controlled the family finances. Rarely was she allowed to visit her own family and sadly she recalls how she had to make up excuses for not attending family celebrations. “I was forever trying to avoid his angry outbursts."

"Oh, I could never talk about this with my friends at church...In fact, I don’t even bother going anymore,” she admits wistfully.

Sarah’s friends listen and find ways to provide support. Her “Circle of Care" is an initiative of MCC Ontario’s Restorative Justice program.

It’s not uncommon, notes coordinator Michelle Brenneman, for elder abuse to have its roots in earlier domestic violence. Patterns get established and then rub off on the rest of the family. The sad thing is that no one notices, but now Sarah’s Circle of Care friends give her a reason to keep living.

* “Sarah”  is a small composite of many elderly people living next door in our communities.